Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
