playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
