So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I enjoy the company of your penis
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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