please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
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I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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