loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
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