I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
