That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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