Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
