the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Randomize
