Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
