i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
