Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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