This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
