somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
