I seem to have left my pride at pride
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Randomize
