Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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