In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
