Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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