Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
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