By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
