I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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