What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
