Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
