There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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