BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
