he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
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