Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
