I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
