This girl is more easily done than said...
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I think pants incapable of making pants work
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
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