I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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