i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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