I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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