dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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