I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Randomize
