Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
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I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
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Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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