My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Randomize
