Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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