I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
