I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize