I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize