her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
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I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
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I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
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