dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
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I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
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I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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