Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Randomize
