At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
