So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
