I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize