LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
this just has baby written all over it
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
