You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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