so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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