My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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