I accidentally had phone sex last night
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
She just used a chaser for red wine.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
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