I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Randomize
