the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Randomize
