didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
You've changed since you got that strap on
Randomize
