we made out on top of his cat.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
