if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I will be naked everywhere
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Randomize
