im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Panties = found
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