she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
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