i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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