Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
It's like God shit irony all over that family
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
