the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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