quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
