We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
