My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
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