hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
