dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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