I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
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Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
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Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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