I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
