Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
vagina is talking i cant
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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