just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
