you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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