her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
