Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
