dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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