Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
