I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
