Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
