Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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