Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
