You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Damn victory sex feels great
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
