he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Randomize
