did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
