I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize